Car rides with Lindsey !! OMG

Well, taking Lindsey somewhere was never a problem until the dreaded day that Lindsey figured out how to undo the 5 point harness on her carseat!
It was a sunny day , a number of years ago . I was driving alone with Lindsey secured in her car seat behind me (so I thought) driving about 50 miles per hr., when my head was jerked back against the headrest. !!  After finally getting over to the side of the road, I managed to get Lindsey to release my ponytail from the death grip she had on it , pulling it through the hole in the headrest.
That was the beginning of the car rides from hell!!

After that we resulted in carefully ziptie-ing her into her carseat carefully weaving the zipties between the 5 point harness seatbelt.
For several years we not only knew every store around that carried zip ties , (getting low was enough to give me an ulcer) but we also had a huge pile of cut zip ties on the floor below her carseat and had a pair of snippers in the glove box.
The whole zip tie thing was a pain in the ... itself.  Constanly looking for the clippers we were sure we put back (and oh no, we are at the store but can't get our kid out of the car seat), or having Lindsey get ahold of them and throw them at us while driving , or cut the strap on her carseat belt.

Eventually she was just too big for the biggest carseat we could find online with the 5 point harness and had to let her ride in back "free".

You haven't ridden in a car and had so much fun..................
She's..........
-clocked me on the side of the head without warning with the icescraper
-poured our soda ,that she sneakishly stole out of the cup holder , completely out onto the floor (several times)
-wrote all over the ceiling with pen
-spit on all the passengers
-continuously wipes snots on me (gross)
-peed the passenger seats
-threw her boot out the window at the drive up window at the bank , which I didn't realize til pulling away and had to get out and squeeze between the drive up window and car behind me to get it.
-wipped her socks out the window ,(I didn't bother getting those).
-continuously takes the headrest quietly off the seat and hits me with it.
-cranks the radio as loud as it will go and refuse to let me turn it down.
-while sitting in passenger seat , continuously flaps her hands in front of me while I try to drive.
-locks the doors the second I get out so I have to beg her over and over to let me in.
-keeps hitting the hazards button and has a fit if I shut it off.
-refuses to buckle up 99% of the time.
-drops things into my coffee in the cup holder.
-puts change into the CD player (now broken)
-puts change in her mouth.
-hits us with her shoes
-sneakishly undoes the child lock on the door as she gets in.
-fights with the dog

And the list  goes on  and on.
Most of which she does daily!

But , sometimes she falls asleep :)
Yeah!  Those are the best car rides ever!

cigarettes, alcohol, and gambling

Ok , thats it .
We are starting Lindey on a 12 step program!

I was at the grocery store today, and we were walking down the aisle when I looked down and saw that Lindsey was walking around holding a bottle of wine!
Then out in the parking lot she picked up a used cigarette butt and was just about to smoke it ,all proud of herself , when I freaked and intercepted it. Gross!!

And there was the time my Aunt found Lindsey sitting behind the steering wheel of her car with a butt hanging out of her mouth with both hands on the wheel.

I walked into the bathroom at my aunts , looking for Lindsey, I found her sitting on the toilet with a cigarette in her mouth and playing  a hand held Texas hold em game!

She's also managed in the past to get onto a Holt Poker site and start playing that.!

The bad habits are starting young!!

ipad

Well , we got Linsey an Ipad.
This can be good and bad.

She can navigate it awesome - thats good
Shes able to get on youtube and find all the off color sites somehow - thats bad
She loves the music clip from the movie beetlejuice (banana man) day oh ,daaay oh. - thas enough to drive me crazy.
We got a super duper hard cover to protect it - thats good
She thinks the ferret can use it too - thats bad  (note to self, buy the screen protector)
She plays the music volume full blast - also bad
It keeps her busy for hours - thats awesome!!!!

paperclips

My colored paperclips are missing again!!
Here is a list of just a few of  the places that I have found them previously:

*upstairs in the ferret cage
*sprinkled all over the livingroom carpet
*spread all over the top of the pellet stove
*in a votive holder , never found the votive candle that they replaced
*in the bowl of dog water
*in a pile in the kitchen of Lindsey's doll house
*under the livingroom chair cushion. found those by chance
*in the cats bowl of dry food , (classic), the cat was not impressed

Ok, why don't I just throw these away and use a stapeler?????

the bureau

I guess Lindsey decided that the new bureau that we bought her just isn't quite her style , so she decorated it!
The drawers are now completely covered w/ black scribble!
I said to Kris "Oh god look at this"! His comment was , "we should have predicted that" and he just turned around.
Now I don't even know if it comes off , or if it is ink, crayon, or marker.
I don't want to look again! eek
I have a feeling I'll be googling how to remove one of those items from wood!

scissors

I haven't learned yet??!!
Lindsey got ahold of  a pair of scissors and for the third time , Junior (our ferret) has his bangs cut!
Which on a ferret is just a chunk of fur taken off the top of his head.
It was just all filled in since the last time too! :(
I thought I had all the scissors secure after last weeks incident....
My husband (Kris) went to charge up his cell and the end of the charger had been snipped off!
Lindsey blamed it on the dog. :)

Cops Again!!

Almost to work and sure enough , I got the call that the police were called on Lindsey again.!  Really??  Twice in one week?
This time she just didn't want to stay buckled , or dressed . :)
Instead of the sped van calling the police , I think I'll cut out the middle man, and arrange for the police to pick up Lindsey and take her to school.
Hey the police don't care if criminals buckle up or not right?